[ Another Absence and Cyber Bullying – March 2nd, 2014 ]

March 2, 2014 § 4 Comments

Photo on 12-19-13 at 1.43 PM #2I was going to start blogging a lot again, I had 3 posts already written – I was prepared, I was going to be consistent, I was going to give my portfolio a boost, I was going to bring my online presence back. Then the Olympics happened and something… happened. I hate constantly apologizing for not blogging as much as I always say I will, but this time is different. The morning start off as normal as any but within a few hours I had someone stealing photos (some of them WELL over 2 years old from my blog and Twitter, meaning this person take significant time out to stalk me) and posting on their Twitter as if they were me – not just to be creepy, but they were actually mocking me. I’ve dealt with cyber bullying before (I’ve posted about it openly here, in a post where I was told I should go ahead and just start being anorexic) but I’ve never been hit so hard by it. This person went out of their way to contact my friends, went out of their way to stalk me, this wasn’t just some crappy thing someone said to me on the internet – this person put a full days worth of effort into their attack on my person.

Harassment 1I had to take a long hard thought about how this could effect me. Not just my online presence, not just my Tumblr, not just my Twitter, not just my Instragram, not just my blog, but me. This person was using MY name, they were using MY photos, their hate-filled and ignorant and just flat out mean statements could lead back to ME. What should I do? Should I remove myself entirely? Delete all of my accounts? But then how would I follow my chronic illness blogs, how would I follow my fellow PhD student blogs – things that make my life feel more normal. I went through a bunch of emotions – was I overreacting? Was it just ignorable that someone was literally pretending to be me, calling me an idiot, lying, claiming I was in inpatient psych services, even going so far as slandering other people under the claim of being me? I didn’t know if I was overreacting, and I honestly don’t know know if I’m overreacting by posting this blog entry.

Harassment 2Part of me was made to think I should step away from having an online presence entirely. But was that really going to benefit me? Should someone who was so pathetic, so asinine, so without thought for the condition of other humans beings worth having even that minute level of control over my life? I didn’t tweet for a few days and I certainly didn’t post any of my blog posts. The only thing I did online was  use Facebook – my one completely (or well as completely as it can be) outline. I might have Instragram’d here and there, I reblogged some stuff on Tumblr eventually… then I started tweeting again from the Olympics – but it took a few days. I was ready to give it all up honestly, but then I realized that I couldn’t let someone like that control me life. Was it painful to see these things? Did it hurt more than I’d like to admit? Did it upset me, also, probably longer than I’d like to admit? Yes. But was I going to let it shove me offline and effect me permanently or even long-term? No. That person, whoever they are, is a scum bag. That person isn’t worth allowing that level of control over my life. They become pathetic to me, it hurt still, but they were pathetic – not me.

Harassment 3I decide that I wasn’t going to step away, but not everyone has that option. This is the second time I’ve had a direct attack on my person just because I was online. Both times it was by anonymous people who were hiding behind the internet to be able to bully others, to be able to “get their rocks off” by trying to make others miserable. People who are pathetic. If you treat others like this, if you go this far out of your way – I’m not talking about making a blunt comment, or even calling someone on their bs online (we’ve all done that) –  but if you stalk people, if you go out of your way to harass them, you are pathetic. You may be calling the people you try and mock pathetic – but every mean word you say to them, its only a reflection upon yourself. You are no better than dirt. If you think that taking 9 hours out of your day to stalk someone, steal their identity, and mock their existence somehow makes you cool or even empowers you personally – then you are not worth the time of your friends, you are not worth any awards you have won, you are not worth admiration. You are worthless. It is not the people you mock who are worthless, but it is you – because you mock the indefensible, you slander those who have no way to run, you attack those who have no shield.

The last thing I have to say is to Twitter as an organization. I find it absolutely disgusting that you allow this type of behavior to go on on your website. I blocked this person, which he was able to circumvent easily. I reported his harassment for hours on end. I even e-mail you screen shots of proof – and what did you do? You first removed his suspension (which happened twice, both times lifted!) but you didn’t even bother to respond to me. I was harassed, stalked, impersonated, and had personal information stolen by someone to use for their own gains and you couldn’t even e-mail me back to tell me you’d deleted the account. Not only is that pitiful customer service but it shows absolutely no dedication on your companies part to protect your users from cyber bullying and identity theft. Shame on you Twitter, you are almost as at fault as the random user who tried to attack me – not for your actions, but for your inactions.

I’m not leaving the internet, and I’m not giving up my pathetic excuse of inconsistent blogging – but I will speak out when I need to, and this was one of those times. I hope anyone else who ever feels harassed, let down, or scared by someone online finds the support they need from their friends and family to get through it – and if you don’t, know you always have an ear in me.

*I have decided not to blur our twitter handles due to the fact that it is no secret what my twitter handle is, given that I openly have used it not only here but when I was still working as a journalist as well and my contacts are easily visible given that the account is public. On the end of the person harassing me, the account was deleted so it being included, sadly, does nothing.


[ Spring Break Part 1 – March 27th, 2012 ]

March 27, 2012 § 3 Comments

Over today and tomorrow I’ll actually be making two posts! Me and my Mom scored an awesome win and managed to get both of us the $99 three day passes for Disney! (Which is a ridiculous savings by the way, those two passes together cost less then it would be for just one single 3 day pass). So I’ll keep the words short and the pictures flowing – day one is dedicated to Animal Kingdom!

Warning: If you do not have fast internet or are on a phone right now, don’t go further with this post, when I say picture heavy, I mean holycrapwow picture heavy, I mean like 70 photos of cute animals is awesome but would be painful to load.

Also: All of these photos were taken by me. Don’t use them and say they’re yours that’s rude etc. If you post any of these adorable animals anywhere credit me, por favor 🙂

Keep an eye on my tumblr for the next few days for photo tumbls with witty comments on some photos and some lol worthy outtakes.

[ the good the bad and the ill – January 11th, 2012 ]

January 11, 2012 Comments Off on [ the good the bad and the ill – January 11th, 2012 ]

I guess this post has been quite a long time in the making. I haven’t made a full out personal update since June 10th and I haven’t updated at all since my last article in September for my old internship. There’s been a lot of reasons for this, most of it being the fact that while I find it cathartic in some way to vent on the internet and write things out, even if no one reads them, just to get things off of my chest, I’ve been unwilling to speak about the events of this summer and how things got so bad and really went down hill. Some pretty huge things have happened in not only my life but the lives of both of my parents that made the second half of the year (and continuing into the new one) fairly stressful and on some level, well on all levels, rather upsetting.

I’ll start with my Dad as its the shortest and simplest story. In May, actually while he was visiting me he got the call literally as he got off of his plane, he found out he’d gotten accepted to work overseas. Work overseas? What does that mean? That means my Dad got hired as a contractor to do supervisor work over in Afghanistan on military compounds. This was both amazing and horrible at the same time. This caused a lot of strain in our relationship both financially and other wise, but for him it was great. It finally got him up and working and making money again instead of feeding into a business that was quite a bit of money in debt after the economy crashed, that’s sort of the problem with being in construction. I’m so proud of him for going for it and taking the opportunity even though he’s doing a job at 60 that a lot of men at 40 wouldn’t even be willing to do. He’s hit another rough patch (after his second trip out from December to March he will no longer have work unless he finds something within the next month) and unfortunately we are no longer on speaking terms for now, but as everything usually does I’m sure once the stressors are down and he’s back in the clear things’ll get better between us.

This next paragraph is more difficult for me to write as it involves my Mom and a life treatening illness, and should explain why I’m a bit disinterested and meh about talking about me and my Dad’s issues, as they are pretty much non-issues in comparison.

In June I got a phone call from my Mom telling me she’d gotten some weird blood work back and been told she needed to see an Oncologist. I knew what this meant immediately but decided I just would push it to the back of my mind and not stress myself sick over it until we knew for sure. While I was visiting her in the beginning of August, what was suppose to only be a 2 week trip down, she sat me down one night and told me the truth: she had lymphoma. For those who don’t know, lymphoma is cancer. Not only did she have lymphoma in her bone marrow but her spleen was where the majority of it was an, well, by this point in time it was already rather enlarged in risk of rupture which would be, well, incredibly deadly.

This story is not all bad, August was also a good month for my Mother. In December of 2010 she compelted her General Education BA with a specilization in ESE education and from February until the end of May was a substitute teacher, unfortunately as is a rule in Florida she did not get the permanent hire for the position because a teacher who lost her job applied, however, in August she was offered a 2 month substituting position from a teacher that they knew would not be returning even when her maternity leave was over. In November, my Mother was called into the Principle’s office and officially hired as a teacher, less then two semesters of substituting and she’d reached her goal — this also meant that she now had insurance that would cover her cancer care, which was the most important and amazing news she got out of the experience.

Her doctor’s allowed her to wait until winter break to remove the cancerous spleen. On December 21st she went in to have the bloodflow cut off from the organ (procedure 1) on the 22nd the spleen was removed (procedure 2). Just to put into perspective to everyone how inflamed and enlarged the spleen was… your spleen is suppose to be about the size of an orange. After the spleen had decreased in size (they guess around a third) with the blood flow cut off (thusly feeding off of itself) it was still so large that the doctor said it reached from her rib cage to almost her pelvic bones, yes, that is a spleen that is about the size of the watermelon slice this woman is holding. She was in the hospital for a week and unfortunately had to go back in on the 28th to drain fluid that was collecting in her torso, however now she has had the drain remove and seems to recovering well. She’ll be allowed to return back to work but of course has to be very careful, something worrying since she works with ESE children (children with severe emotional and behaviourial issues). But we’re just glad the worst is over and hopefully she can put off chemo until next summer when it won’t jepordize the job she worked so hard to get.

Some of you may know but some of you may not but I’ve been struggling with my own health issues for about 2 and a half years now without having the slightest clue what was wrong with me. I was too dizzy to function some days. I was getting really achey and in March I fainted at the Glassjaw show after just 1 beer because I was standing on a balcony and had a vertigo fit (for lack of a better way of saying it).

Unfortunately my symptoms got much more severe about half way through May. I was sitting at my computer and I got up to go try and get Pickles out of the window (I do not condone yapping at midnight!) and about halfway there I lost all feeling in my legs after a brief moment where I felt like -every- nerve in them had gone off. I couldn’t get up off of the ground immediately and it took me about 3 minutes until I could get back to my chair. For the next two weeks I was in so much pain that I really didn’t leave my house and certainly could not make it to class. My regular doctor finally admited that since it wasn’t MS (which we had found out officially 2 weeks earlier) that with the new severe pain that she should have me tested for fibro myalgia. Why is this significant information? Because I’d been calling on and off for 2 weeks trying to get her to give me a recommendation for a rhumetologist so I could see if it was Fibro in the first place but she was insisting this was all being caused by a mixture of carpal tunnel (in my hands, which only hand minor numbness and weariness at this point, and certainly nothing comparative to the numbness and weariness in my legs even post collapsing). I was finally put on painkillers to control the pain and after a few days of being a bit loopy was able to return to school, unfortunately I had another pain episode that was, honestly quite a bit worse a month later that caused a devistating blow to my summer classes participation grade, because apparently two doctor’s notes, an e-mail from the school, proof I’m on painkillers, and not being able to walk is not a good enough excuse to miss a freshmen level course that I still got an 88% in based off my exams/papers (I however recieved a C+ because my attendence grade was dropped a full letter for missing 3 classes).

Unfortunately no matter how many places I looked for and called in the Chicago area, no one could see me prior to September 16th. For awhile it looked like I wasn’t going to get diagnosed until I returned from London, thankfully though after I returned to spend the remained of my summer with my Mother at the end of August a doctor in Daytona Beach was able to fit me in.

Diagnosis: Fibro Myalgia and a slight allergy to milk that I was previously unaware of but apparently that’s why it was making me a bit phlegmy.

I can’t not express enough how relieving it is to have a diagnosis, now I can go to my school and officially get academic consideration and assistance because of it and no longer just simply be at the mercy of whether a teacher wants to be understanding or think I’m a liar who is just hungover (yes, I’ve had that said to me over the course of this by a professor).

Well, I think that’s enough for today. In the next few days you’ll get a 100% good post, promise! I have loads of updates about what I’m doing in school now that I’m dying to share with everyone but I thought I at least owed the people who read my blog and follow my tumblr an explaining of why I mostly disappeared off of the face of the Earth.

[ drum roll please… – 3.31.11 ]

March 31, 2011 Comments Off on [ drum roll please… – 3.31.11 ]

I know I had talked about it on Tumblr but I hadn’t mentioned it to anyone else as I didn’t want to talk a lot about it and get my hopes up before I knew if I could afford to go or not…


On the 15th (of course DePaul waited until the last day they had to give us answers…) I got notification that I had been accepted for the Fall study abroad in London through the university. For a little we didn’t know if we’d be able to financially swing me being able to go, but after some figuring things out between difference in bills, grants they give to study abroad kids, and loans we can take out through the school I can go!

I’ll be studying through the University of Westminster (Harrow Campus, pictured above, photo obviously not by me) and focusing mainly on my Media Arts and Journalism degrees as they offer some great classes we don’t here at DePaul (Fashion Journalism and Colour Photography). It’s so crazy that if we do get the loan and I do go (they ‘pre-approved’ us but we’re just waiting on the official word) that I’ll be a class short of a senior when I come back next winter quarter (since the loan also means I can take another 2 classes over the summer). That puts me almost 2 full quarters ahead of schedule, which is awesome because that means if I do keep both majors and minors I’ll graduate in 4 years with everything I wanted to do completed. Needless to say, I’m really excited about finding out about this loan as it opens so many doors for me academically. I do wish I could intern through the university so they could find me my internship, but that’d require 3 FREAKING GRAND extra in tuition because the internship is 12 credits instead of the normal 6. So if I want to try and intern I have to find my own internship, which I’ve done successfully so far I’m just a little worried about trying to do it come August when I’ll still be in the states trying to find one in London before I get there! (PS. That’s Bella, Kat’s sister’s dog and my new BFF)

Now I have to do a little shameless promotion… Along with the fact that I used my CollegeFashionista stuff (and my newly revamped bio for this very blog) to enter ASOS’s Coachella contest, we have a super big event happening in Chicago tomorrow! Juicy Couture and the site teamed up to do a ‘campus tour’ and offer students (you don’t have to be a Chicago student, just have a student I.D. and be at the event) 20%, photo opportunities, and styling help!

I’m honestly more excited about meeting the other Gurus (I met Jose for the first time on Tuesday actually, very briefly) and Amy as I’ve conversed with them over twitter but haven’t actually had the chance to meet them.

There’s also a little bonus! For the Guru who brings the most friends out (someone will be asking you who referred you when you arrive) you can win a prize… so uh even if you don’t like Juicy Couture (which if you didn’t know,t hey’re so much more than sweatsuits and terry cloth purses, their spring collection is actually super cute with a lot of crocheted stuff) just uhm come out and pretend and say I sent you, winkwink nudgenudge.

On a completely unrelated non-big news note… I want to see the movie Hanna. 1) It looks good 2) I like all the actors in it 3) HELL YEAH PEOPLE WILL PROBABLY JUST SPELL MY NAME RIGHT NOW. Except not, but one can hope it at least stops the Hannah Montana stuff.

[ road trippin’ – 3.29.11 ]

March 29, 2011 Comments Off on [ road trippin’ – 3.29.11 ]

I had a really rough trip down to Florida, if it went wrong… well it probably did. About 45 minutes outside of Indianapolis I got into a bit of an accident, nothing major but it was enough to do over 2 grand in damage to my car, which is over 2 grand I don’t have at the moment. Thankfully the damage was done in such a way that my car is still able to be driven and we were able to fix it up after replacing the light to make it look not so bad. It was one of those unfortunate things where I hit it at just the right angle to do a load of damage. After fixing the headlight that was just annihilated I still need to replace my front bumper and front right fender (the front right panel above the front right tire if you’re not in the know). Thankfully they’re things that don’t have to be immediately replaced. The picture of Rupert is relevant because this little brat jumped into my lap and that’s what ended up causing the fender bender. My foot slipped off of the brake and tapped the gas, I was just glad we had been stopped and the damage wasn’t worse.

I normally drive straight through, but because of the missing headlight I wasn’t about to drive through the mountains between Nashville and Chattanooga in the dark, plus the stress left me with an awful migraine and quite dizzy so it just ended up being in my best interest to stop. I have to say, I think I’m going to stop half way through from now on. Even though, yeah, it saves me and my parents like $80 to not stop, it’s a lot more safe and less stressful on all parties than me driving for 16-20 hours (depending on traffic and how many times the puppy needs to piddle). It also gave me the opportunity to sight see along the way a little bit, which I don’t normally get to do but have always wanted to do. I walked around the Battle of Nashville Traveler’s Rest site but didn’t actually get to see inside the house or anything because it was before opening hours and by then I was just ready to get on the road (and so was Rupert, he doesn’t appreciate being left in hotel rooms while I wander around). I did, however, stop and get to actually walk around another Civil War battlefield. Chickamauge Battlefield which is in Northern Georgia but just outside of Chattanooga as well was a gorgeous site. It’s so weird to think that a bit over a hundred and fifty years ago (the battle there happened in 1863) it was soak in blood and bullets of kids who were probably mostly younger than myself and most of my friends. The Civil War is the only part of US history that really fascinates me, other than that I mostly have an interest in British and Eastern European history (most specifically Victorian England/Prussia and the European Front of WWII) so finally getting to see a Civil War battlefield after having seen so many photos and read so many books on it was truly an experience.

Things were a lot less dramatic once I actually got to Florida. I had a nice Sunday with my Mom and although I got bad news on Monday about my car (that was when I found out the costly price). I spent mostly of Monday through Thursday night with Kat and it was just absolutely amazing. I can’t express how much I adore her as a friend. That first night we just sort of hung around and dealt with boys being sketchy and bad for making plans with – Tuesday was by far the best day I’ve had in Florida probably in years. We went to Seaworld and it was great. It wasn’t too hot out and I got a load of great photos and it was nice to actually have social interaction with someone where I didn’t feel like I was constantly being judged, which is something I feel is too common with those in our generation, we judge each other way too much so to have social interaction without the eye rolls and catty remarks was really quite nice.

It didn’t hurt that we got in for free because Kat works at Seaworld either haha. Either way, it was way better than my last visit which was… another overly dramatic Florida trip though involving lots of extended family members (which I’m sure everyone knows at 16 is never fun… ever). On Wednesday we got to go see Sucker Punch for free, which was a ridiculous expereince because there were 15 of us total so it took intricate planning and lots of carpooling. The movie was actually amazing. I expected it to be visually awesome but I didn’t expect to actually like the plot, which I did. My love for Emily Browning probably left me at least a little biased though.

I was pretty excited when I got my grades for the quarter while on break. I ended up getting A-‘s in both my internship class and Film Philosophy (seriously, I’ll be honest, with the amount of effort I put into those papers I deserved a B at most) and I got an A in my Intro to PR class. I was most shocked about my grade in French… I actually managed to swing a B-. I actually failed the final but that’s just sort of how I’ve always been with language. When I’m at home and I’m writing compositions and doing workbooks and doing in-class stuff I do great, I didn’t have a single grade on anything like that below a 92, but I have no retention for language so I tend to do very, very poorly on written tests (I tend to do better on oral ones since they’re normally with a partner so I’m given some direction). I also found out that I currently have a B+ from Intermediate Photo so as long as I do decently on this final project I got an extension on I’ll get at least that in the class. Over all… I’ll say after all the stress and hassle of winter quarter it ended on a very good note grade wise, I was honestly scared there for a bit with how bad my dizziness was getting and how high my stress level was between SPACE, CollegeFashionista, and 5 classes but, I’m very very pleased with the outcome and glad I pushed myself through it.

Well I’ll leave off on that note. This entry is already incredibly long and totally just a boring recount of the mostly unexciting stuff I did over break. I promise that update about exciting things coming up in my life by the end of the week!

I also apologize to everyone that I was completely absent and lacking in posts this week, I was unexpectedly without internet pretty much the whole time I was in Florida. If you’re on the quarter system like me and just got back from Spring Break, I hope you enjoyed it!

If you want to see the rest of my photos from my trip head over to my tumblr and sift through the ‘spring break 2011’ tag… or just click here!

[ the final round – 3.10.11 ]

March 10, 2011 Comments Off on [ the final round – 3.10.11 ]

Just a short little update before I go into the questions portion! I thankfully was able to snag some really understanding teachers and a doctors appointment tomorrow morning. This is a huge stress relief on me, which in turn will be good to help me get over this bad bout with my dizziness.

On a more positive note I popped by the DePaul Music & Entertainment Career Fair today! I left my resume with Empty Bottle, Lincoln Hall/Schubas, Ford Models, Ravina Festivals, as well as this event/photography company Cage & Aquarium I’d never heard of but seemed really interesting. Both Empty Bottle and Lincoln Hall seemed really interested in me! Lincoln Hall told me I’d be one of the top candidates for summer, even though they were looking for people more immediately when they do round two in May I’d still be in the pile. The people from Empty Bottle told me to contact then in a week or so and just mention we’d met and such. I’m hoping just one of these things pans out into a good summer internship. I’d honestly prefer the one with Ford Models but they had interns doing the fair so I didn’t really know how to make a good impression since it’s not like they’re doing anything but turning the resumes over to the bosses. I really feel like regardless, I will at least get offered one internship for the summer which is all I need

My Nana sent me some money for Valentine’s Day which was completely unexpected so I used it to do a little splurging on some stuff for spring! My first two purchases were a Le Mer watch (on sale for $35!) that I’ve wanted forever and finally went on sale and this gorgeous ring from Akira. I’m going to save the rest of what is left to shop in Florida since the tax is 4% less there, not much of a savings but enough to matter! It’s really ridiculous how much 4% can add up over time. I mean 4% of my monthly budget is more than I budget for a day!

I have a few staples on my list. I need to get at least another two skirts and 3 blouses for internships appropriate wear, but I want them to be very spring so I’m hoping to find a pleasant medium between the two; which with all of the soft billowy clothes that are in for spring I’m confident I’ll be able to pull off! I need to get a new pair of flat sandals as well as my sneakers and summer sandals both died last August and are in need of replacing now. Hopefully I can do this with the little bit of a budget I have left. I’ll have a bit more extra money too from being in Florida and mooching off of my parents for 6 days but that’s mostly going towards paying school stuff I put on my credit card off.  I can’t believe school is already over for the quarter! I only have one final left and a paper left despite the fact that next week is technically finals week. And really it’s only half a final as the oral portion of my French final was done today (and I passed!!!).

That went on much longer than intended! Now on to the questions… There were a few more but they were repetitive so I left them out.

ASKED BY: talkingstove

  • What is your daily beauty routine? It sort of varies! I always use Dream Matte Mousse as  my foundation and always use two layers of mascara for optimal lashes (Lash Blast by Cover Girl and Professional Super Thick Lash, also by Cover Girl). On some days I also wear Prestige eyeliner but since they no longer make mine I suppose that will end soon 😦 On days of particularly bad skin or when my foundation needs matteing out I also add a bit of Maybelline mineral powder over my foundation. My skin care routine normally revolves around zero make-up worn at home and nightly removal using Neutrogena pads. I try and do a face mask 2-3 times a week (normally either BB Seaweed or Love Lettuce). I’ve recently gotten into using toner (made from a steaming face fizzy thing from Lush) and am going to start using moisturizer as well because I’ve noticed my skin has been quite dry lately.
  • What is the best advice you have been told? I don’t really know that I’ve ever been given ‘best advice’. The most recently really good advice I received was from a visitor to SPACE who was speaking to the interns. He works at A-Squared Management and told us that it’s better to spend 2 years looking for a job that you’re passionate about than to take some crap job you don’t believe in and might very well get stuck in.
  • What song represents where you are in life right now? Such a hard question! I’d say it’s got to be between Louder Than Ever by Cold War Kids and even though I’m single the lyrics to Cold Desert by Kings of Leon will always stick with me.

ASKED BY: zarahlee

  • talk about your insane luv for me…: BUT I REALLY DO LOVE.
  • or maybe your study abroad prospects would be more appropriate: I’m suppose to find out by the 15th! But in the interview they said they might push back the date a little because they pushed back the application deadlines because of some technical issues. I did a lot of research on Harrow and stuff and I’m getting more and more excited about going! I may or may not have also looked into Westminter’s Photojournalism MA program…

ASKED BY: foodvacuum

  • Why the streets are hope-killin’? Because they hungray.

ASKED BY: anonymous

  • How is your sex life? I admire your spunk anon. But there is no Topless Tuesday on this blog, or will there be discussion of things I do with any of my other lady bits.

ASKED BY: anathema

  • What do you think of Depaul? I’m a prospective student and I could always use personal opinions. I love it! It’s especially good if you’re looking to double major or major and double minor or anything like that. I’ve only had one teacher I would consider bad and the other ones that I wouldn’t recommend were all tenure track typical stuck up pricks… which you’ll run into at ANY school. My only complaint is the small amount of space and money they give the art department. It’s really pathetic compared especially to how much the give CDM and Communications.
  • What are your favorite places to shop in the city? Any secret spots? I don’t really have any secret spots… I love Akira and Buffalo Exchange and Crossroad Tradings are great for second hand stuff. There’s a few ace little stores in Wicker Park and Lincoln Park but it’s more about finding things that interest you! I suggest really just exploring and finding places for yourself 🙂

[ the sad truth about our generation – 2.11.11 ]

February 12, 2011 Comments Off on [ the sad truth about our generation – 2.11.11 ]

As many of you follow me on tumblr as well (I’m sure most of you actually know of my blog from my tumblr honestly) there was someone who felt the need to say some really unnecessary nasty things to me earlier today:

I used to get a lot of this stuff on a regular basis, but I’ve cut down on using tumblr because I’ve been so busy, and primarily updating my blog.  I deleted and didn’t respond to it. But when I got this first anonymous comment after posting this twitter update I decided I was just going to make a really simple, and true response. Of course, in normal fashion of the internet, the person escalated. I simply repeated myself (because, ultimately it is true, comments like that are why girls develop eating disorders, but I’ll get more into that lately). I never in my life thought I’d get the sort of response I did from that person:

Anonymous asked: you should try having an eating disorder, chubby! maybe then you wouldnt be in denial about your size.”

I don’t think, ever, in my life, no matter what I thought of a person, that I have ever been cruel enough to actually suggest someone try having an eating disorder because they’re chubby. But comments and negativity like this have become the norm of our generation. So may people think it is okay to make comments to people like this, without a second though; I’m sure without thinking at all in most cases.

Bulimia, Anorexia, and other eating disorders are absolutely no laughing matter. These are serious issues. I’ve been self-conscious about my weight before, I’m sure most people have at one point or another. I also have several friends who have suffered from eating disorders (thankfully only one has ever gotten so bad that they needed to be hospitalized for it and hooked up to an iv for caloric intake, which is where many girls end up with such diseases). A friend of mine who lives out in California (I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing this since she did write it for a public website) recently wrote a story about it for Her Campus: A Colliegette‘s Guide to Life.

The Most Difficult Thing I’ve Ever Written

This article is hard to write. I am forced to come to terms with the fact that I am sick, I am not in control, and if I continue my life may not ever go the way its supposed to.

But I’m scared. I feel trapped. What do you do when the only thing that makes you feel better makes you a public mockery? Every time I try to put those jeans on, regardless of the size, it’s always a shame. I stare at girls thinner than me, blatantly. I just want to feel like I belong in my skin and my skin belongs to me.”

This is what I’ve heard in various forms to most of the girls I’ve ever spoken to who are currently battling or in recovery for an eating disorder. The honest truth is, when my body image was at it’s worst around the end of my living in Orlando and the first few months I lived in Chicago, that was exactly how I felt. I felt like I was trapped in a body that wasn’t mine. These feelings certainly weren’t helped by the fact I spent the ages of 15-19 struggling with the fact that due to getting sick and being home schooled I went from being 92 lbs and naturally/athletically thin my whole life to being 137lbs at my heaviest and overweight by any standards for my small 5’0″ frame. I finally feel good again, staying in the 110-115lb range most of the time, but sometimes creeping back up towards 120lbs during the winter when I’m much more inactive and pron to ordering greasy take-out food that can be delivered right to my lazy ass’s doorstep.

The fact of the matter is the girl who wrote that article is gorgeous, she’s got hair I envy to no extent, and there’s not a thing wrong with her or me physically… yet she feels this way anyway. It may be self-induced, it could be from playful teasing, or it could be from someone crossing the line and making a comment like what was made to me today on tumblr, it could even just be simply from watching a TV show or reading a magazine and coming about the unrealistic expectations that every girl should have a body that looks like Miranda Kerr’s. Is this healthy? Is this what we want our daughters and granddaughters (and sons and grandson’s, boys can certainly suffer as well) to strive and starve for? If you’re answer is yes, I honestly hope you never have children.

Let’s get down to the barebones everyone. Right now, I’ll admit, I’ve got pudge and fluff in a few more areas than I’d like, but it’s winter! I’m mentally prepared to gain 3-5 pounds this time of year. I was not mentally prepared, honestly, to deal with someone saying this to me today. I freaked out for about an hour, talked to a few friends, calmed down and I decided to do something about it. I decided to break the fear and take my measurements for the first time in well over 2 years. Bust (29 inches); Waist (26 inches); Hips (33.5 inches). I then proceed to look up what that meant as far as sizing goes… It put me at an xs/1/2/4 in most clothing (ie – pretty much anything that wasn’t high waisted). Some how these measurements translate to ‘chubby’.

I want everyone to reflect upon how stupid that is, how absolutely ridiculous it is that at 5’0″ with perfectly ‘average’ measurements and a weight that falls well with the healthy range by both pounds and BMI (I know these can be tricky subjects and are far from accurate on everyone but I’m trying to make a point here), actually falling almost dead in the center of said range on both, that some how I am chubby and in a deserving position of such comments. I can only provide facts and measurements about my own body and wardrobe of course, but this isn’t just about me of course. This is true for thousands of girls all over the world, in every country, from every culture. It could be true for your mother, your grandmother, your little sister, your best friend, that gorgeous thin teacher you envy every day in class, that model on the cover of your favourite magazine or staring in your new favourite line that just debuted this week in New York for fashion week.

What does this say about our generation? It says a lot. It says a lot about how we are willing to treat out peers, especially those who we have never met, and maybe not even spoken to. I will never understand how people could be so cruel to someone just for the sake of it, especially about something so serious as an eating disorder. If you don’t think they’re serious, I suggest you take a look over here at South Carolina’s Department of Mental Health’s page on eating disorder statistics.

“A study by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders reported that 5 – 10% of anorexics die within 10 years after contracting the disease; 18-20% of anorexics will be dead after 20 years and only 30 – 40% ever fully recover”

“20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart problems.”

Those are some absolutely hilarious statistics aren’t they? The truth is that eating disorders take over your life. They effect you, your family, your friends, and most importantly your health. You can die from them. You can do serious and permanent damage to your body if you aren’t treated for them, and even if you are the chances of recovery aren’t that great. You can destroy your teeth and esophagus beyond repair. Is this still funny to everyone?

If you don’t like me and think I’m on such a ‘high horse’ and should ‘try an eating disorder’ from a simple twitpic complaining about never finding anything floor length that fits my short 5 foot frame right… then I highly suggest you take a look in the mirror, a long and hard one. Think about what it means about you that you feel the need to go around talking people down like that and being so rude. Think about what it means that you still follow my tumblr/twitter just so you can make these nasty comments about 150% harmless things I say. Oh come on, it’s a bitch to be short! If you haven’t wrestled with trying to find something that fits you length wise and you’re my height, send me another message with where you shop so I too can partake in this wonderful world of maxi dress and skirts! (PS. on the real though, suggestions ladies.)

At the end of the day, I’m one of the lucky one’s, my own bad body image has never actually turned into an eating disorder, a fact of which I am very thankful of. I owe a lot of credit for this to a book I read right before I started college at DePaul, back in August of 2009 (a point when I was at one of my most content and happy places in life). It’s called Thin Is The New Happy. It is not the story of a recovering anorexic or bulimic. It is the story of a woman, a mother, a strong female with a good career. It is her story about being berated by her mother as a child and going through the diet dictionary and having been on almost any one imaginable. It is about her struggle to realize how to be healthy, accept that not everyone is a size 0, and make sure that she broke the bad body image cycle and didn’t pass it down to her own daughters. I suggest absolutely anyone read it; male, female, fat, skinny, eating disorder, no eating disorder. I also suggest the documentary ‘Thin’ which is a film done at a Florida treatment center following 4 women ages 15-30 as they go through the pain of treatment for eating disorders.

“Coming to terms with my diet demons seemed more doable than losing twenty pounds, actually. And more worthwhile, too, given what was at stake.
Even more than love, I wished for my daughters a life of comfort in their skin. I had to break our family tradition, ensure that Maggie and Lucy felt super strong and bullet proof, no matter what shape they took. I had to show they how, but first, I would have to figure it out. For me, the struggle started with my mother. For my daughters, the struggle would end with me.” – From “Thin Is The New Happy” by Valerie Frankel

At the end of the day, I hope just one person reads this and gets something from it. Whether it makes them think twice about what they say to people or whether someone who is struggling with their own body image comes across this blog entry and realizes that you don’t have to subjugate yourself to comments like this and the pressure they create within your mind. I also offer a friendly ear if anyone who reads this ever needs one, I’m always glad to listen, especially if you feel like you have no one to talk to.

I’m not perfect (probably about as far from it as you can get), there are always things about me that I will need to take a step back and look at and work on. I’m not saying by this article that I’ve never said a mean thing about someone; whether out of spite or not. However, the older I get, the more and more I realize just how awful it is to be mean to someone simply because you can or because you’re having a bad day or whatever the hell reason you tell yourself to sleep at night. Why? Because you never know what that one sentence could do to someone.

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