February 17, 2012 Comments Off on [ round 9 – February 17th, 2012 ]
My schedule for next quarter is going to be moderately ridiculous. I’m taking three Anthropology courses: Ethnographic Research Methods, Archaeology Research Methods, and Forensic Anthropology (!!!!!!!!), one studio art course: Beginning Sculpture, and I’m retaking French 103 as a refresher course for having to take 104-106 last year and knowing quite well that it’ll be a bad idea to go back into a French class when I haven’t been in one (by that time) for a year and a half. Plus that was the quarter I started having my pain issues and, well, lets just say my grade suffered. I’m quite excited regardless, well except for this whole Friday class thing but its an Archaeology lab so at least it’ll hopefully be fun!
I’m mostly excited about Forensic Anthropology. And by excited I mean beside myself – I squealed when I got my e-mail from the department chair approving me for it. I think my favourite part is the professor, M. Aiello who I’m taking this quarter for Intro to Bio-Anthro told me that I should prepare for the course with a -colouring book-. Yup, he at that moment became my favourite professor in existance. I really hope he lets me TA Intro to Bio-Anthro Spring or Fall quarter, I think I’d die of happiness. I made sure Spring quarter I’d be able to TA time wise but I dunno if he’ll let me cause he knows I have a sort of ridiculous schedule and thinks I should drop one of my classes so I doubt he’ll be up for putting even more pressure on me.
I really am truly excited for this quarter though, beside French which is an unfortunate necessity I’m stoked on all the classes I’m taking. All of them are of interest to me or something I find myself at least curious to learn about.
I know I’m putting too much pressure on myself, but I really want to graduate on time and to do so I’ve gotta commit to 5 classes a quarter. It won’t be as bad afetr this quarter – I’ll be done with my major lab courses and done with my studio art classes so that’s a big relief as far as difficulty and time consuming as far as my courses go.
I’m just going to power through it. I could moan and cry and let it defeat me and just throw my hands up and add on an extra year of school but I won’t. I will beat it, I will get out of here, I will get myself on the path to where I want to be and I will be happy – because I’m getting there, I am. I’m getting back to really being happy and that, in itself, makes me happy.
I really slacked on a post this week and I’m sorry but it’ll get better next week with the new posting schedule! I know I don’t have a huge following or anything, but writing is cathardic to me and I like doing it even to keep my friends and family up with whats going on in my life.
January 18, 2012 § 1 Comment
Sometimes you have to come to little realizations in life, mine was that I was not happy. I don’t mean I didn’t enjoy living or that I don’t love my friends and my puppy, nor that I’m depressed. But something was missing, ya know? Something wasn’t there, I wasn’t doing anything I was passionate about or that challenged me, everything was just… neutral. I needed to do something in my life that was going to challenge me, that was going to be something I could do for the rest of my life and love it and enjoy it and not be bored by the mundane aspects. That is what doing PR was for me, it wasn’t exciting, it wasn’t challenging me, it just felt like something I was good at and could succeed at but wouldn’t fulfill me. I needed something that was going to fufill me.
I was already going to graduate with 4 degrees… what else could I really want? I realize though, that after all this time I could not continue with my Public Relations degree so over my time in England I really had to think about what I was going to do, if I was going to switch anything it needed to be immediate upon my return to Chicago. It put me in a hard situation, I didn’t want to lose all the work I’d done in my Public Relations degree, I didn’t want to lose the classes and have them be worthless from my Journalism minor either and I certainly didn’t want to go back to majoring in Journalism…
When I was a little girl, maybe as young as 7 or 8 I wasn’t that girl who played with barbies (though there’s NOTHING wrong with that), I played sports and I preferred being outside and I had an intense obsession with dinosaurs, that was when my interest in history really routed from. Around 9 or 10 this transitioned into an intense interest in Egyptology. By the time I was 12 this has transitioned into my fascination with reading about World War II and Eastern European/Russian history, something that has stuck with me to this day. The thing is, I made a stupid decision when I started college, mostly influenced by the type of people I was hanging out with at the time. I wanted to live a glamourous life, I wanted to wear pretty clothes and go to fun parties and I wanted to be one of those girls who everyone envied. I was already starting school 2 years late and I didn’t want to graduate at 30 with my PhD just to be a teacher… I didn’t want that.
In reality I just wasn’t mature enough to realize that I would be happy doing that, that I wouldn’t have a problem teaching and that that ‘glamourous’ life was just the brain of a 19 year old wanting to be the exact oppposite of what she had been in high school. But I realized at some point that there was ust so much more to life then this, why would I limit myself to what I was doing because of some ‘optimal’ idea of what I thought my life should be. I just wanted money and glamour, I never thought about if that would actually make me happy, if I could do that for the rest of my life. I’m a much different person then I was at 19 when I got accepted at DePaul, I’m almost entirely different in my own eyes. I hardly recognize myself some days, and that’s not just because I went back to my natural hair colour and am no longer platinum blonde.
So I made a choice. I knew what I wanted to do, what would make me happy. I knew that bringing challenge back into my every day life would keep me on my toes and excited for the rest of my life, doing something I’d always been passionate about would be better for me. The only downside is, well, my Dad didn’t exactly take me telling him well. My Dad is unfortunately one of those people that when it comes to money, that’s sort of all that matters. He can ice the cake however he wants, but money is in many ways more important then happiness to him, because he thinks that money is what is going to bring happiness, when for me money has caused way more problems then happiness. I’d rather struggle a bit but not dread getting up and going to work every day then be living in fantastic means but hating what I do. Going to grad school and getting my MA, hopefully eventually my PhD in Anthropology is what I’m going to do. I don’t care if my parents support me or not, all I was ever promised was my undergraduate education and that’s all I would ask them for. I am on my own so I will do what is going to make -me- happy not them.
So I threw out my PR major, condenscend my classes in Communications into a generic Communications minor, kept the Media Arts degree (three classes from completion!) and am going for it, I’m going to graduate with my BA in Anthropology and get my butt into a damn good grad school and be happy with my life if it kills me (it might, GRE books are scary). But its going to make me happy, I haven’t been this excited about post-graduation from my undergraduate degree in a really long time, I was always aprehensive and skiddish about it, but now I feel an odd content feeling.
That feeling is called happiness, and its amazing.